The Big Secret

In many cases, the baby's father was the only other person who knew about the abortion. Once he has gone, it is something that the woman keeps to herself.
  • They suffer silently, afraid to confess their involvement with abortion
  • The Secret" can lurk in a woman's mind along with the denial that she is hurting
  • The pain will never entirely go away but women can be shown how to cope
  • People don't like to talk openly about things they have done which they believe were wrong.
Many women never tell anyone about their abortion, or may say, to those who knew they were pregnant, that they had a miscarriage. It is too disturbing to hear another's pain, especially if the ones you tell were among those who encouraged you to have the abortion. To be told "...you are the one who made the decision, get over it..." only encourages a woman to keep silent.

Sixty to seventy percent of relationships break up in the first year following an abortion. In many cases, the baby's father was the only other person who knew about the abortion. Once he has gone it is something that the woman keeps to herself.

The decision to keep silent about the abortion has a lot to do with trust. Because they feel that they can't tell anyone, it becomes a big, dark "Secret" in their lives.

"...If anyone knew, they would hate me. If anyone knew, they would think that I was a really bad person..."

"...How can I possibly tell anyone that I am a baby-killer .. I'm a murderer..."

They often suffer silently, afraid to confess their involvement with abortion to anyone for fear of being judged, shunned, or rejected.

The "Secret" can lurk in the recesses of a woman's mind along with the denial that she is hurting until one day she faces the truth that the abortion left lasting damage, and she starts to seek help. That can be a problem in itself, as many professionals have been convinced that PAS does not exist as a valid condition.

The pain will never go away entirely, but women can be shown how to cope and make it easier to bear. Women who don't deal with it, who hold on tight to their "Secret," will have to carry the burden their whole lives, as abortion is something a woman never forgets.

Why do women choose not to talk about their abortion? People don't like to talk openly about things they have done which they believe were wrong. We don't like to admit doing something that might cause others to think less of us.

Patient Information from one abortion facility in New Zealand gives the following information:

"Feeling guilty about an abortion might involve any or all of the following:
  • feeling afraid that you have done something wrong and being found out and punished
  • feeling disappointed that you did not live up to your own or someone else's standards
  • feeling angry with yourself, feeling a failure
  • feeling selfish because you put your needs first."