It's Okay To Cry!

Programmes that recognise Post Abortion Syndrome tell us that many women refuse to talk about their abortions. Women often deny that there is any problem, usually because the pain is too great for them to deal with.

Most traditional medical research (excluding that conducted mostly by anti-abortion organisations) tends to place the blame for Post Abortion difficulties on a pre-existing problem, and implies that women are not adversely affected by abortion.

When women are encouraged to describe their abortion experience, and consequently may come out of denial, the pain of their unresolved grief can often swamp them. This is a common experience for Post Abortion counsellors.

Many women looking for help (to resolve painful feelings they suspect relate to their abortions), reach this pain barrier and "back off". They often choose not to deal with it, at the time.

Some women may seek help many times, and with many different counsellors, before they feel strong enough to move forward in the healing process.

These women are often scared that once they start crying they will never stop. They will fight to contain the tears and, when they may change the subject or make a joke when the subject arises.

When this happens in the course of a post abortion recovery programme, the woman is told: "It's okay to cry. You have my permission to cry."

Crying is acknowledged as part of any healing process, but it is often necessary to give the woman who aborted permission to do so, and it can be very difficult for a counsellor to reach this stage when it comes to dealing with abortion.

Mourning
Mourning, which is the expression of sorrow and grief, or lamenting for the dead, is not the same as occasional weeping. Mourning is an utterance that comes forth from the very soul of the client.

Physical responses can include heavy sobbing and shaking as if chilled to the bone.

In coming to grips with the reality of the abortion, a woman (or man) comes to release her grief and pain through mourning. Facing the reality of the death (or killing) of her "baby" can leave her (or him) emotionally devastated.

Mourning is the master key that opens the door to healing. It also helps reduce the symptoms of Post Abortion Syndrome.

Many women try to avoid mourning because they don't want to feel the full depth of their loss to abortion. (This also occurs in the case of miscarriage and stillbirth).

It is sometimes necessary to give permission to cry
The aborted woman often feels that since she was the one who chose to have the abortion (or because she wasn't strong enough to resist the coercion of others) she may not have the right to grieve.

Despite this, she needs someone to tell her: "It's okay to cry!"