Kim was 21, almost 22, when she phoned Pregnancy Counselling Services (PCS) in November 2003. She had come to NZ as a full time student and was studying at Massey University Palmerston North. Sometime during the year she met her boyfriend, a Iranian guy who was a bit older than her.
He was a New Zealand resident who had come here on some sort of refugee status. Apparently his family had been in trouble with their government for political reasons and some of his family had been mistreated and murdered as a result, and he himself an been in prison in Iran and mistreated.
I say this as background because Kim used this as a reason for being very
understanding. She had given up her studies sometime during the year and
gone to live with the boyfriend in Tauranga. She had not told her parents
this. The boyfriend had said he would apply for residency for her and she
very much wanted this, not wishing to return to China.
She stated from the beginning on the phone that she did not want to have an abortion because she believed this was a baby and a life. She is from mainland
China where abortion is very accepted and she knew of 9 friends who had already
had abortions. She did not think she was too young to have a baby.
When questioned about her relationship with the father she admitted she wasn't
entirely sure whether it would last though did seem to feel that he had been
very good to her. She said that even if their relationship did not last
she did not think she would regret having the baby.
He did not want her to proceed with the pregnancy as he said it was the wrong time and they could have children later. He was apparently also making his support for her application for residency dependent on her having a termination of pregnancy. She rang on her cell phone confidentially. However he was
aware of the call and hopeful that we might be able to provide a
I tried to encourage Kim to be in touch with the local Tauranga PCS but discovered she did not really connect. Since I was on holiday I offered to come and meet her face-to-face along with a local Tauranga PCS lady.
My then boyfriend (now husband) drove down with me. We met Pam from Tauranga PCS
then Harry found a Catholic Church and went and prayed there while we did the
face-to-face. She was very receptive and excited about her baby and also
very grateful for the visit.
We tried to explore other options. She briefly seemed to toy with the idea of
adoption as an option. The sticking point was that she did not want to go
back to China and she did not want to be open with her parents about her
She feltif she were made to go back to China she would be forced to have an abortion at whatever stage. In fact her visa would run out about two months before she
She saw the partner as the way of staying here and I think she thought she may be able to win him round to the. She already had an appointment at AMAC when we
saw her. She pretended that she went and the partner was happy.
I don't know how she thought she was going to proceed from there. We couldn't seem
to move her forward from there. Unfortunately we could not offer her
assurance in view of her immigration status. I looked at her being able to
go to the Missionaries of Charity in Hong Kong if she were deported but she told
me she would only be allowed to stay in Hong Kong for 10 days.
Eventually things came to a head when the partner somehow found out she hadn't had the abortion and heard her on the phone to me. He grabbed the phone off her
and spoke to me in a very angry way to me. I felt very frightened.
He did let her have the phone back and I asked her if she was worried for her
safety and she said she was. She agreed she wanted to get out of the
Therefore the Tauranga PCS counsellor went round and picked her up, keeping her at her own house overnight and arranging a flat-let under the house of another PCS supporter. It was Kim's 22nd birthday two days later and she agreed to
meet the boyfriend and to celebrate with him at a meal out as they had
previously planned. Then she went back to him.
I mistakenly thought that she was very determined not have an abortion and that
she might leave him again later. I felt it might put her in danger to
contact her again. However Pam from Tauranga rang me up a couple of weeks
later to tell the sad news that he had taken her to the hospital after-hours one
day and they had given her some medicine then he drove with her to AMAC.
She was apparently crying. He stayed at the clinic while they did the termination and even asked to see the foetus (I personally believe he wanted to be sure). Apparently the doctor refused saying it would be too distressing. She rang and told Pam this and told her to tell me she was very sorry.
We don't know for sure what happened to her. Pam's husband knows someone through work who knew the partner (and did not have
a very high opinion of him). She was no longer with him. Apparently
he had other family members/ friends living with him. It was thought she
might have gone back to Massey for the next academic year. I'm not sure
whether that is fact or not though. I often wonder how she is .